Page 195 - Got a joke? Post it!

Ladies, may I remind you that this is the "lounge" -
not the "outhouse".

If you want to have a flame-war - keep your comments there or
keep your comments to yourselves!!

Jewish Tattoos

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a Humentash on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Purim" under the Humentash. So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Matzo tattoo with "Happy Pesach" up on her left thigh. So the tattoo artist does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?" She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Purim and Pesach!"

*shakes head*

I don't even know where to start on that one...

-MBirchmeier

The implication of "greatness" is by way of comparing size, and/or quality ... in comparison to what exactly

So, the Dalai Lama is visiting New York, and approaches a hot dog cart. The hot dog vendor recognizes him and says, "Hello, Dalai!"

The Dalai Lama says to the hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor hands the Dalai Lama a hot dog, and the Dalai Lama gives him a twenty-dollar bill and waits patiently for a minute. Finally, he asks, "What about my change?"

The hot dog vendor replies, "Change must come from within."

The Dalai Lama admitted this was true, and ate his hot dog, but it gave him bad breath and bothered his sore tooth.

The Dalai Lama then walked to the dentist to get a filling. Although old and frail, he walked often, and he walked barefoot, as evidenced by the thickness of the soles of his feet. It is for this reason he is known as the "super-calloused fragile mystic exhibiting halitosis."

The dentist inspected the Dalai Lama's tooth, and said he could fill the cavity right then. When he offered to use Novacaine, the Dalai Lama declined, saying he wanted to "transcend dental medication."

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dalai Lama, and a hippie.

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!"

With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dalai Lama and the hippie looked at one another.

Finally, the Dalai Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

enjoy

Just when you think IRCs can't get any geekier, someone has to prove you wrong: