Page 5 - Discuss Got a joke? Post it! in the Dev Shed Lounge forum on Dev Shed. Got a joke? Post it! Dev Shed Lounge forum discussing anything that doesn't fit into the other forums. This is a place to relax, talk, and even have some friendly debate. Walk softly and carry a big wiffle bat.
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Can we get back to the jokes?
Requisite groaner:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(Might be best to read this aloud)
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A; Still, no idea.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress - sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement had thought that this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM that you have a headache!
__________________
"America's abundance was created not by public sacrifices to "the common good," but by the productive genius
of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes. They did not
starve the people to pay for America's industrialization. They gave the people better jobs, higher wages and
cheaper goods with every new machine they invented, with every scientific discovery or technological advance --
and thus the whole country was moving forward and profiting, not suffering, every step of the way."
--Ayn Rand
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender asks the pirate: "What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate responds: "Arrgh! It's driving me nuts!"
[edit]Sorry i must have missed it. Many apologies![/edit]
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A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He then notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..........
__________________
The No Ma'am commandments:
1.) It is O.K. to call hooters 'knockers' and sometimes snack trays
2.) It is wrong to be French
3.) It is O.K. to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder
4.) Lawyers, see rule 3
5.) It is O.K. to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes
6.) Everyone should car pool but me
7.) Bring back the word 'stewardesses'
8.) Synchronized swimming is not a sport
9.) Mud wrestling is a sport
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Quick, very bad, groaner of a joke
What do you get when you cross John Lennon and Boy George?
Instant Karma Chameleon. (Just add water!)
__________________
"Tryin to minimize the issue, but I'm keeping it large,
I love the place that I live, but I hate the people in charge!"
-- Immortal Technique
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I'm running out of family friendly jokes so, um...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side BAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh I crack myself up...
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A woman walks into a convenience store and walks up to the counter. she asks for a pack of ciggarettes, and a lotto ticket. she pays, and then scrathces the ticket before she leaves. lo-and-behold, the ticket was the grand prize winner, and she won 5 million dollars, so she hops in the car and speeds home to her husband.
The woman barges in the front door and proudly exclaims "honey, pack your bags! I won 5 million dollars in the lotto!"
The husband hears this from upstairs and shouts back, "honey, that's amazing! what should I pack? beach stuff or mountain stuff?" to which the wife quickly replies "I don't ****ing care, just get the hell out!"
__________________ Chat Server Project & Tutorial | WiFi-remote-control sailboat (building) | Joke Thread
Rational thinkers deplore the excesses of democracy; it abuses the individual and elevates the mob. The death of Socrates was its finest fruit.
Use XXX in a comment to flag something that is bogus but works. Use FIXME to flag something that is bogus and broken. Use TODO to leave yourself reminders. Calling a program finished before all these points are checked off is lazy.
-Partial Credit: Sun
If I ask you to redescribe your problem, it's because when you describe issues in detail, you often get a *click* and you suddenly know the solutions.
Ches Koblents
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