Page 7 - Got a joke? Post it!

Two Aerials meet, fall in love and decide to get married.

The wedding was terrible but the reception was brilliant !!!

CRCIGSTL - Can't Rep 'Cause I Gotta Spread The Love

An old farmer was sitting on his front porch one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bundle of wire.

"Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?"

"Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!"

"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

"Sure I can!" he yells and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and, sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

"Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?"

"Well this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!"

"You can't catch ducks with duck tape!"

"Sure I can!" The kid yells, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying some flowers.

"Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with them flowers?"

"Well this here ain't just any old flowers, this here's p_ssy willow."

"Hang on," the farmer says, "I'll get my hat."

Only one problem...duck tape != duct tape

Sure it does. . .
Duck tape.

Sorry I couldnt resist....
<joke>
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
</joke>
Heh heh.

Aphonik

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. Soon, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St.
Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die!
I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St. Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my *** is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push as hard as you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're st*ffing all over the bed!"

A traveling salesman walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. After a while, he notices a horse sitting at the other end of the bar, with a big pile of money in front of him. He asks the bartender, "What's going on?" The bartender tells him that the horse has been in here for two days, crying, and for $10, anyone who can get him to stop will take the pot.

The salesman thinks about it for a moment and says, "Do you mind if I try? I'll have to whisper something to him though..."

The bartender says, "Sure, why not?"

Walking up to the horse, the salesman throws $10 on the pile, and whispers something in his ear. Suddenly a big smile comes across the horse's face and he starts laughing incessantly. The bartender and other patrons can't believe it. The salesman finishes off his beer, scoops up the money and says goodbye.

A week or so later, the salesman decides to stop back in the same bar. As he sits down to order, he notices the same horse at the far end of the bar with yet another pile of money in front of him. After taking his order, the bartender recognized the salesman and says, "Hey buddy, weren't you the one who got this horse to stop crying last week?" "Yup", says the salesman. As the bartender served the beer he said, "Well, that dang horse has been laughing nonstop since you left here, and it's driving us nuts. It's worse than the crying. Do you think you could get him to stop?"

"Well", said the salesman, sipping his beer, "I guess I could try. I would have to take him outside for a moment, OK?"

"Sure, sure", said the bartender, "anything to get him to stop laughing."

The salesman finishes off his beer, and walks up to the horse, throwing his $10 on the pile. He puts his arm around the horse, whispers into his ear, and they both head outside. A few minutes later they return, this time with the horse crying. The bartender says, "My friend, you did it again. The money's yours, fair and square, but would you mind telling me how you did it?"

The salesman says, "Well, the first time I was here, I told him my d!@# was bigger than his...this time I showed it to him."

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great webcomic for any fans of the old Megaman games (or anyone who likes comedy)

A girl phoned me the other day and said: "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?


That's a hardware problem.



How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?