Page 8 - Got a joke? Post it!

OK, this isn't so much a joke as it is a 100% true story. Aragon's joke kinda reminded me of this and it's by far one of the most funniest stories I have ever been involved with. A little preface: This was my Sophomore year of University, I was living in the dorms still and I had a randomly assigned roommate who happened to be a Freshman. For the intents of this story, we will call him Dave. This was the weekend after our 6th week of class. Dave and I weren't the best of friends, but we got along. The timeframe for this story is about 1 or 2 o'clock in the afternoon on Saturday. Dave had gone to his friend's dorm room and started taking jello shots early on Friday evening. Him with a small group of friends then proceeded to a pretty standard fraternity party somewhere just outside of campus. This is the conversation between my roommate and I as he returned to the room around 1 o'clock the next day.


"I think I got raped last night." said Dave as he walked into our room.

I look at him inquisivetly and ask "What makes you say that?"

Dave looks down, almost in shame as he begins his story "Last night, Sara, Pam, Gretchen, and I started out in Sara's room with a lot of jello shots. Then at about 9 o'clock we decided to go to the I Felta Thei fraternity because they were having a party."

I lean back in my chair as he does the same, I realize this is going to be a long and/or interesting story already. He continutes the story, gazing off into the distance, staring at some unknown object. "There was this girl that was there and she was being really nice to me," continued Dave. "We went onto the dance floor and were dancing and grinding close to each other. We were having a really good time, but I was completely smashed because I had so many jello shots beforehand.

"As the party started getting a little later on into the night, people kept comming up to me and trying to get me away from this girl. Sara and Pam were both offering me just about anything they could think of just to get me away from this girl. I didn't know why at the time, she wasn't that ugly or anything. Even people that I didn't know were trying to get me away from her."

I'm completely mesmorized by the story at this point, knowing where it goes, but wondering why it's such a compelling story. Dave presses on with his recount of the night before without any hesitation. "Every time someone would get me away from her, I would somehow wander back and find her. People were telling me outright 'Dave, don't go home with her.' I was too drunk to listen to them though." Dave said to me with a hint of shame in his voice.

"We snuck out when no one was looking and we went back to her room. The next thing I know, it's 6 o'clock in the morning, I'm naked, she's naked, and she's on top of me. I wanted to leave, but I was too tired to push her off of me, so I went back to sleep. I just woke up again a few minutes ago and walked back down here."

During the last few moments of his story, our next door neighbor, Aaron, walks in because he had been at this party, too. Aaron asks Dave "Dude, did you end up going home what that thing last night?"

"Yes I did," Dave replies.

"Oh man! That sucks, you are like the 8th guy she's done that to!" said Aaron. "Wow, she did that to me like 2 weeks ago."

"Wow, what's scary is that I don't even know her name," replied Dave.

Aaron laughs, "I don't think anyone does, but her nickname around here is the 'Albino Rhino'."

From there the two of them begin to discuss the particulars of the night while I walk next door to tell my suitemates how funny of a story I just heard. The punchline still to this day is "... but I was too tired to push her off of me!"

^^ So why was it so bad that he (and other guys) went home with her?

I think he's trying to say that she was fat as hell, hence the "albino rhino" and "but i was too tired to push her off me".

Scorn not her simplicity ... you too, one day, may be that insecure

While you are not incorrect in saying that she was larger and less than beautiful, the more subtle of the three being that Dave was about the 8th guy to sleep with her in about 6 weeks. If you need further explinations as to why this is bad, let's keep that within the PM system.

<on-topic>

A guy is at the olympics and finds himself walking next to a olympian.

He excitedly asks, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

The man replies, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

What do you get when you play a country record backwards?

Your truck works, your cheatin' wife comes back to you, and your dog comes back to life.

Once a weary travellers car breaks down in the middle of a stormy night. Being a lonely road there is only one chinese house in sight. He goes to the house and knocks on the door. A very old chinese man opens the door. The traveller asks for help. The old man agrees to let him stay for the night on one condition - that he does not mess around with his young beautiful daughter or else he will inflict upon him the THREE CHINESE TORTURES. The traveller agrees to the mans condition and goes to his room to rest for the night. But in the middle of the night he begins to feel horny as he thinks of the beautiful girl sleeping in the adjoining room. So disregarding the old mans warning he goes to the old mans daughters room, seduces her and comes back and falls into a deep sleep

Next morning he wakes up and finds a heavy boulder on his chest with the following words written on it.

"Chinese Torture 1. Heavy rock on chest"

He snorts with disgust at the feeble attempt of the chinese man to torture him and carries the boulder to the window and flings it out.

Just when he has thrown the boulder out he sees a sign on the other side of the boulder .

"Chinese Torture 2. Heavy rock tied to left testicle"

Thinking fast the traveller decides that jumping out of the window and getting a few broken bones will be better than getting castrated entirely.
So he jumps out of the window. As he is falling down he sees the following words written on the road.

"Chinese Torture 3. Right testicle tied to bed"

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.

"Where is my father?" he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words: Fishing off the coast.

Clever Guest laughed.

"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!

It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off the coast."

Sorry, but I kinda want to keep this thread alive, and since the only joke I have is pretty pathetic, I'm posting it anyways.

A blonde, living in California, was asked what was further away, the State of Florida or the Moon. The blonde replied, "Duh! You can't see Florida!"

A man gets up in the morning to find his wife in the kitchen cooking. He looks and sees one of his socks in the pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk" she replies

The man, completely puzzled, walks around thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock........."

How do