#1
  1. A Change of Season
    Devshed Frequenter (2500 - 2999 posts)

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    Need help with this text


    Hi guys;

    I don't speak very good English. I was wondering if anyone could fix any grammar issues in this.
    Hi and welcome to Sydney F website

    We have successfully received your Ad and will activate it within next 12 hours.

    Meanwhile we recommend you to have a look at list of members who are looking for a place in Sydney and start contacting them.

    In order to get the most out of it, we strongly recommend you to add photos for your property. Ads with photo get over 50% more views. Please visit Your Account in order to add photos.

    Please visit Sydneyf.Com for more information

    Regards
    Thank you
  2. #2
  3. Transforming Moderator
    Devshed Supreme Being (6500+ posts)

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    Hello and welcome to Sydney F!

    We have received your ad and will activate it within the next 12 hours. Meanwhile we recommend you look at our list of members and begin contacting those who are looking for a place in Sydney.

    In order to get the most out of your ad, make sure to add photos of the property: ads with photos get more than 50% more views than those without. Visit Your Account to add photos.

    Regards,
    [name or whatever]
    SydneyF.com
    - Don't refer to your thing as a website. Just call it by name - "Sydney F".
    - Do you really want these advertisers to start spamming users? Sounds like a bad idea...
    - "Personal" emails are a bit dated. You're dealing primarily with businesses so be more professional.
    - I assume this is a confirmation email? You should include details about the ad being placed.

    And lastly, this looks like it will be a text-only email. Make it an HTML email with graphics (not too many, and remember they're often hidden on the first viewing), in which case the email should not read like a letter (it shouldn't anyway) and more like the kind of confirmation message you get when booking hotels or buying stuff online.
  4. #3
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    Registered User
    Devshed Newbie (0 - 499 posts)

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    I don't find any mistakes in your grammar! Everything is alright
  6. #4
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    Registered User
    Devshed Newbie (0 - 499 posts)

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    It's fine, i cant see any error with it.

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