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Helpful Tips

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  #1  
Old June 12th, 2003, 05:32 AM
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Helpful Tips
  1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
  2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
  3. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
  4. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
  5. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
  6. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
  7. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
  8. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
  9. Color coordinate your pet with your furniture & carpets. That way, the hair won't show if you don't regularly sweep it up.
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  #2  
Old June 12th, 2003, 08:11 AM
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rofl
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  #3  
Old June 12th, 2003, 08:30 AM
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Re: Helpful Tips
Quote:
Originally posted by a.koepke
2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
Good idea, but unfortunately that'll only result in a fine over here... Although it's legal to hold a remote control to your ear, to shave or put some make-up on during driving, making a phonecall without a handsfree-set will be fined severely... therefor I'd not recommend this to the Dutch readers since you don't want a cop to think the remote control is a phone here
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  #4  
Old June 12th, 2003, 08:37 AM
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You should patent and sell the raw pork miracle diet. You'll make millions!
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  #5  
Old June 12th, 2003, 08:39 AM
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Quote:
Good idea, but unfortunately that'll only result in a fine over here... Although it's legal to hold a remote control to your ear, to shave or put some make-up on during driving, making a phonecall without a handsfree-set will be fined severely... therefor I'd not recommend this to the Dutch readers since you don't want a cop to think the remote control is a phone here



We could use a law like that... My bumper sticker reads: "Would you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up you a$$?"[
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  #6  
Old June 12th, 2003, 08:46 AM
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Quote:
We could use a law like that... My bumper sticker reads: "Would you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up you a$$?"
LOL
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  #7  
Old June 12th, 2003, 09:00 AM
damonbrinkley damonbrinkley is offline
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Now those are funny!! I especially like the diet one.
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  #8  
Old June 12th, 2003, 10:07 AM
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is this what you learnt in life andreas?
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  #9  
Old June 12th, 2003, 10:58 AM
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yep

Here is Australia its illegal to use a mobile phone while driving too, I think this list shows its age a bit with that one... carphone hmmmm... mid 80's maybe
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  #10  
Old June 12th, 2003, 03:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ctb
You should patent and sell the raw pork miracle diet. You'll make millions!


Its like the evolution of the Atkins diet - tons of protein, just raw... and old.

I can just imagine the product lines you could create - especially the shakes for lunch. Screw slimfast - NEW PorkFast!
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  #11  
Old June 12th, 2003, 04:10 PM
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lol

you put the email together and I'll go and spider a few million email addresses... then we can get spamming with that whole weight loss idea.

It rocks

christo
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  #12  
Old June 12th, 2003, 08:19 PM
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lol

PorkFast sounds a bit dodgy though
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