1. Eager to learn
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    I just did not find it humorous at all. Car accidents are not a joke.

    Comments on this post

    • RAJ_55555 agrees : rofl... Boy you are serious!! Grab a drink...
    • DaWei_M disagrees
    "Quality of responses may vary. I reserve the right to change my mind for any reason what-so-ever without admitting I was wrong. I'd prefer to change your mind however, it's easier on my ego". - jwdonahue

    "so no-one has actually bothered to post an original quote ? what's wrong with making up your own?"
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  2. 'fie' on me, allege-dly
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    Originally Posted by Skipt
    I just did not find it humorous at all. Car accidents are not a joke.
    Funny car accidents

    Comments on this post

    • RAJ_55555 agrees : See...You just a little drink...
    --Ax
    without exception, there is no rule ...
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    The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones


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    Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.
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    Detavil - the devil is in the detail, allegedly, and I use the term advisedly, allegedly ... oh, no, wait I did ...
    BIT COINS ANYONE
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    So, a guy moves out to the sticks...


    ...because he's just tired of all the noise and crowding in the big city.

    He's there for a few weeks and is getting a little stir crazy. One day, he hears a knock at his door. Parting the curtain, he sees a man standing on his porch.

    Our guy opens the door, and the man on the porch says, "I thought someone moved in here, but I haven't seen you around, so I thought I would come by and say hi."

    Excited, our guy invites him in.

    The man says, "Listen, I'm having a party. Would you like to come?"

    Our guy says, "You bet!"

    The man says, "Okay look, we do things a little different out here. Now, do you like to drink?"

    Our guy says, "I love to drink!"

    "And do you like to dance?" the man asks.

    "Dancing's great fun!"

    The man gives him the once over, and says, "Sometimes these parties can get a little rough. Can you use your hands?"

    Undaunted, the man says, "I can protect myself, if that's what you're asking."

    "Alright. Well, there's bound to be some blood, some crying, and maybe even some sex. What do you think of that?"

    Our guy is so lonely, he's bound to endure anything to socialize. Finally he says, "Okay, I'm in."

    The man says, "Be at my place, down the road on the left, on Saturday night, around eight," and turns to leave the house.

    Our guy says, "Wait, what should I wear?"

    The man says, "Oh, I don't care. It's just gonna be you and me."
  4. 'fie' on me, allege-dly
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    Kate Midleton asks HRH about the secret of a long and happy married life, HRH responded
    "It's like this my child, always wear your seatbelt, and try not to piss me off...."

    Comments on this post

    • sim085 agrees : nice :)
    --Ax
    without exception, there is no rule ...
    Handmade Irish Jewellery
    Targeted Advertising Cookie Optout (TACO) extension for Firefox
    The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones


    09 F9 11 02
    9D 74 E3 5B
    D8 41 56 C5
    63 56 88 C0
    Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.
    -- Jamie Zawinski
    Detavil - the devil is in the detail, allegedly, and I use the term advisedly, allegedly ... oh, no, wait I did ...
    BIT COINS ANYONE
  5. Hats off to Mr. Joseph donahue
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    Program to help passengers in titanic:
    Code:
    int main()
    {
     float titanic;
     return 0;
    }
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    I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.
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    An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor...

    Comments on this post

    • requinix agrees
    • dotancohen agrees
    • Jyncka agrees
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    Why do Mermaids wear Seashells?

    Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big.
  9. Automagically Delicious
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    A really bad one I got from a coworker:

    Q: Do you know how you can tell which IT Professional is the extrovert?

    A: He's the one that looks at the other person's shoes.
    Adam TT
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    Quite true.

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    • Skipt disagrees
    • patrick.gill disagrees
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    People can reduce their stress and tension by hearing jokes. So i always read jokes book and magazine whenever i have free time.

    Comments on this post

    • RAJ_55555 disagrees : glad to know...But this place is really for posting jokes, not for posting your passtime..
    • patrick.gill disagrees
    • Skipt agrees : bandwagonbandwagon
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    Here's the latest joke for you
    "Microsoft buys Skype for $8.5 billion"
    Not funny in the humorous sense but quite a senseless thing to do with all that money
    And though I haven't read the other posts in this thread I'm sure this one hasn't been posted before

    Code:
    What are they thinking?
    
    Integrating with Xbox, Kinect, and Windows Phone is the sum total of the plan that Microsoft put in the press release. At the press conference there was also some non-specific talk about advertising. But that's it. That's Microsoft's grand vision for its $8.5 billion purchase. Adding voice and video chat to its games console and phone platform and maybe showing a few ads.
    
    Never mind that the company has its own voice and video chat platform already. Never mind that it shows ads on that platform already. Never mind that its own platform is bigger than Skype'sóWindows Live Messenger boasts in excess of 330 million monthly active users with 40 million concurrent, compared to Skype's 170 million and 20 million-30 million concurrent. Never mind that it already plans to integrate Windows Live Messenger into Windows Phone, and surely has the development expertise to integrate Messenger into Xbox and Kinect for a fraction of the $8.5 billion it's spending for Skype. Never mind that Messenger already interoperates with Lync. Never mind that Messenger already integrates with Office. All this was forgotten or ignored.

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    • Skipt agrees
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    An elderly woman tottered into a lawyer's office and asked for help in arranging for a divorce. The lawyer just did not believe it. "Tell me," he said, "how old are you?"
    "Eighty-four," she said. "And my husband is eighty-seven."
    "How long have you been married?"
    "Almost sixty-two years."
    The lawyer slapped his forehead. "Married sixty-two years?
    Why do you want a divorce now?"
    "Because," she said, "enough is enough."
  14. 'fie' on me, allege-dly
    Devshed Supreme Being (6500+ posts)

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    Not a joke per se, but this cracked me up no end ...
    --Ax
    without exception, there is no rule ...
    Handmade Irish Jewellery
    Targeted Advertising Cookie Optout (TACO) extension for Firefox
    The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones


    09 F9 11 02
    9D 74 E3 5B
    D8 41 56 C5
    63 56 88 C0
    Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.
    -- Jamie Zawinski
    Detavil - the devil is in the detail, allegedly, and I use the term advisedly, allegedly ... oh, no, wait I did ...
    BIT COINS ANYONE
  15. Automagically Delicious
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    I told a UDP joke today...not sure if anyone go it.

    Comments on this post

    • ManiacDan agrees : Coffee...coffee everywhere...
    • SimonJM agrees : GAH! ;)
    Adam TT

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