#61
  1. Give us a kiss
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    Originally Posted by computer
    Ooops! Again!
    What can I say apart from dont tell my wife!!!


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  2. #62
  3. um, Hello?
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    Can we get back to the jokes?

    Requisite groaner:
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    (Might be best to read this aloud)

    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    A: No idea.

    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    A; Still, no idea.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress - sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

    As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

    The husband, noticing the excitement had thought that this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

    Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

    Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM that you have a headache!ö

    Comments on this post

    • kuroSAVVAS agrees : awsome gorila joke
    "America's abundance was created not by public sacrifices to "the common good," but by the productive genius
    of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes. They did not
    starve the people to pay for America's industrialization. They gave the people better jobs, higher wages and
    cheaper goods with every new machine they invented, with every scientific discovery or technological advance --
    and thus the whole country was moving forward and profiting, not suffering, every step of the way."
    --Ayn Rand
  4. #63
  5. Give us a kiss
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    Originally Posted by mike65535
    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    A: No idea.

    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    A; Still, no idea.
    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals?
    A: Still no f*cking idea.

    Comments on this post

    • computer agrees : ++ for mike65535


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  6. #64
  7. um, Hello?
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    Originally Posted by bainser
    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals?
    A: Still no f*cking idea.
    Ha!!!

    rep++ please!
    "America's abundance was created not by public sacrifices to "the common good," but by the productive genius
    of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes. They did not
    starve the people to pay for America's industrialization. They gave the people better jobs, higher wages and
    cheaper goods with every new machine they invented, with every scientific discovery or technological advance --
    and thus the whole country was moving forward and profiting, not suffering, every step of the way."
    --Ayn Rand
  8. #65
  9. I have a red lunch bag
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    Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says to the other, "Man it's hot in here." Then the other one says, "AAHHH! IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    I'm here till Thursday.

    Comments on this post

    • WorldBuilder agrees : Funny!
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  10. #66
  11. I thank you very little
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    Why do redneck's have sex doggy style?




    So they can both watch Nascar!

    Comments on this post

    • WorldBuilder agrees : Funny ****!
    • funkyfoof agrees : kewl ...
    PEACE!
  12. #67
  13. Big Daddy
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    Originally Posted by cybersaga
    Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says to the other, "Man it's hot in here." Then the other one says, "AAHHH! IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    I'm here till Thursday.
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

    That was surprisingly hilarious!

    Chris
    Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!
  14. #68
  15. Big Daddy
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    Originally Posted by WisconsinGuy
    Why do redneck's have sex doggy style?

    So they can both watch Nascar!
    So was this one! LOL

    Chris
    Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!
  16. #69
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    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender asks the pirate: "What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate responds: "Arrgh! It's driving me nuts!"

    [edit]Sorry i must have missed it. Many apologies![/edit]

    Comments on this post

    • codergeek42 disagrees : Already said.
    • Kokoro disagrees : That was mine!
    • gimp agrees : No need to disagree... just tell him!
  18. #70
  19. Providing fuel for space ships
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    A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
    "What are these, Dad?"
    To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
    "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
    He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
    The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
    "Cool!" says the boy. He then notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
    "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
    "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
    With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..........
    The No Ma'am commandments:

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    2.) It is wrong to be French
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  20. #71
  21. Keyboard Kowboy
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    Quick, very bad, groaner of a joke


    What do you get when you cross John Lennon and Boy George?



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  22. #72
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    I'm running out of family friendly jokes so, um...
    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    A: To get to the other side BAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh I crack myself up...
  24. #73
  25. I have a red lunch bag
    Devshed Loyal (3000 - 3499 posts)

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    Originally Posted by geniusgoalie
    I crack myself up...
    Can I crack you up?

    Disclaimer: By "crack" I mean "beat"... oh nevermind...
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  26. #74
  27. <?PHP user_title("gimp"); ?>
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    A woman walks into a convenience store and walks up to the counter. she asks for a pack of ciggarettes, and a lotto ticket. she pays, and then scrathces the ticket before she leaves. lo-and-behold, the ticket was the grand prize winner, and she won 5 million dollars, so she hops in the car and speeds home to her husband.

    The woman barges in the front door and proudly exclaims "honey, pack your bags! I won 5 million dollars in the lotto!"

    The husband hears this from upstairs and shouts back, "honey, that's amazing! what should I pack? beach stuff or mountain stuff?" to which the wife quickly replies "I don't ****ing care, just get the hell out!"
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  28. #75
  29. long time no see :)
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    Hope this hasn't been posted already:

    A guy walked into a psychiatrist's office wearing only cling-film underpants. The psychiatrist said: "well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
    üüAKA Marty Jones (todayeffect - writerlance.com)

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