1. (retired)
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    Originally Posted by bash.org
    <mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
    <Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
    <mage> no I mean like, WinZip?
    --Simon
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    <YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
    <YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
    * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
    * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
    <YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
    ROFL...

    Comments on this post

    • gimp agrees : Classic!
    ~~ Peter ~~ :: ( Who am I? ) :: ( Peter's Musings: Uploading myself, bit by bit... ) :: ( Electronic Frontier Foundation ) :: ( I'm a GNU/Linux addict and Free Software Advocate. ) :: ( How to Ask Questions the Smart Way ) :: ( The Fedora Project, sponsored by Red Hat ) :: ( GNOME: The Free Software Desktop Project ) :: ( GnuPG Public Key ) :: ( About me on the WIki )
  3. His name is Robert Paulson!
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    <zere> i need to make 75 thousand dollars
    <videogameaholic> removing your head from your a$$ leaves quite a medical bill, doesn't it.
    hahaha
    Environmental LIMS
    What the hell is all this LIMS st*ff about?
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  4. Giggity Giggity!!
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    From bash.org:
    Yami: Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
    cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
    live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
    to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
    all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
    Yami: The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
    apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
    shove the fruits up your *** without any expression on your
    face or you'll be eaten."
    Yami: The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
    in pain, so he was killed.
    Yami: The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
    king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
    should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
    ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
    Yami: The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
    asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it" The
    second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
    coming with pineapples."




    Spread Ubuntu

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  5. <?PHP user_title("gimp"); ?>
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    <Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
    <Cthon98> ********* see!
    <AzureDiamond> hunter2
    <AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
    <Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
    <Cthon98> thats what I see
    <AzureDiamond> oh, really?
    <Cthon98> Absolutely
    <AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
    <AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
    <Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
    <AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
    <Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
    <AzureDiamond> awesome!
    <AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
    <Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
    <AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
    Quick thinking is nice, but it's a lot easier when the person you're talking to is a dumbass...

    Comments on this post

    • mike65535 agrees : ROFL
    Chat Server Project & Tutorial | WiFi-remote-control sailboat (building) | Joke Thread
    Rational thinkers deplore the excesses of democracy; it abuses the individual and elevates the mob. The death of Socrates was its finest fruit.
    Use XXX in a comment to flag something that is bogus but works. Use FIXME to flag something that is bogus and broken. Use TODO to leave yourself reminders. Calling a program finished before all these points are checked off is lazy.
    -Partial Credit: Sun

    If I ask you to redescribe your problem, it's because when you describe issues in detail, you often get a *click* and you suddenly know the solutions.
    Ches Koblents
  6. um, Hello?
    Devshed Novice (500 - 999 posts)

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    Originally Posted by gimp
    Quick thinking is nice, but it's a lot easier when the person you're talking to is a dumbass...
    OMG that's funny!

    Reminds of the flimflam artists that try to scam cashiers out of a few bucks...
    "America's abundance was created not by public sacrifices to "the common good," but by the productive genius
    of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes. They did not
    starve the people to pay for America's industrialization. They gave the people better jobs, higher wages and
    cheaper goods with every new machine they invented, with every scientific discovery or technological advance --
    and thus the whole country was moving forward and profiting, not suffering, every step of the way."
    --Ayn Rand
  7. <?PHP user_title("gimp"); ?>
    Devshed Supreme Being (6500+ posts)

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    <Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
    <bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls
    ...That's just great
  8. from the lab...
    Devshed Intermediate (1500 - 1999 posts)

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    What's 'E.T.' short for?

    Cause he's got small legs.

    Comments on this post

    • medianox agrees : i love it.
    • aitken325i agrees : I've heard that one before, but still makes me chuckle ! :D
  9. Automagically Delicious
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    A Texan, an Illini, and a Michigander are all riding horses out on the range one day. The Texan says that he's thirsty, whips out a bottle of whiskey, chuggs half the bottle, tosses it up into the air, pulls out his six-gun and fires a bullet right into the bottle.

    The Illini gasps in horror and asks the Texan why he would do such a thing to a perfectly fine bottle of whiskey. The Texan reminds him that he's from Texas and that whiskey is plentiful and extremely cheap there. He has no problem wasting half a bottle of whiskey for a little target practice.

    The Illini, not wanting to be outdone, reaches back into his saddle bag and pulls out a bottle of fine champange which he also chugs half the bottle before repeating the same display of tossing it in the air and blasting it out of the sky with his six gun.

    The Michigander is appaled at this and asks the Illini why he would do such a thing. The Illini reminds him that he's from Illinois and champange is cheap and plentiful where he comes from. He also has enough money to buy a seemingly endless supply and has enough to drink and make target practice with any time.

    The Michigander not wanting to be shown up, pulls out a can of beer from his saddle bag. He chugs down the entire beer, letting the last drop fall from the can into his mouth. He then looks at the other two as they smile in amusement. The Michiganer then places the can back into his saddle bag, whips out his six gun and shoots the Illini dead on the spot.

    The Texan is outraged and asks the Michigander why he would do such a thing. The Michigander reminds him that he's from Michigan, and Illini are overwhelming his state and taking up all the real estate, but the can is worth 10.
    Adam TT
  10. Keyboard Kowboy
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    I don't think this one has been posted (I skimmed the previous posts, so if it has been, my apologies).


    Why couldn't G-Unit get on the bus?


    Because they didn't have 50 Cent!

    Comments on this post

    • codergeek42 disagrees : Uck...that was bad. :|
    • AdamPI agrees : That is bad, but I have to counter the rep-- cause i did actually laugh...
    • B-Con agrees : I don't know why, but I like those kinds of puns, heh....
    "Tryin to minimize the issue, but I'm keeping it large,
    I love the place that I live, but I hate the people in charge!"
    -- Immortal Technique
  11. Contributing User
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    Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation, one of them
    kept complaining of family problems.
    Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems?
    Listen to my
    situation."
    "A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.
    We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father
    married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my
    father
    became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her
    father-in-law".
    "Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son,
    This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he
    was
    also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's
    grand-son.
    That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."
    "This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the
    half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother, This
    makes my
    father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my
    father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her
    own
    child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN
    GRANDFATHER!"
    "And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

    Comments on this post

    • gimp agrees
    • carrie_a_tune agrees : LOL! Welcome to the south! ;)
  12. long time no see :)
    Devshed Novice (500 - 999 posts)

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    Why couldn't G-Unit get on the bus?


    Because they didn't have 50 Cent!
    I always say 50 cent's no good. He ain't worth a dollar...

    Here's a couple of worthy headlines:

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

    Cyclone Passes Through Cemetery - Hundreds Killed

    Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

    Comments on this post

    • JohnnyC agrees : 50 cent ain't even worth 50 cents.
    AKA Marty Jones (todayeffect - writerlance.com)
  13. um, Hello?
    Devshed Novice (500 - 999 posts)

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    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink,
    and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the
    place.

    The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them,
    then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto
    the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his
    mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it
    whole.

    The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your
    monkey just did?"

    The guy says "No, what?"

    "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

    "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats
    everything in sight, the little devil. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue
    ball and stuff."

    He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the
    monkey ate, then leaves.

    Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey
    with him.

    He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the
    bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey
    finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up
    his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

    Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his
    butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

    "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

    "No, what?" replies the guy.

    "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt,
    pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

    "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still
    eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to crap out
    that cue ball, he measures everything first."

    Comments on this post

    • oneMSBi agrees : this was hilarious.. thanky mate :thumbs:
    • B-Con agrees : haha! "
    • irisblaze agrees : my god that's just so hilarious
    • saintaw agrees : lolz!
    "America's abundance was created not by public sacrifices to "the common good," but by the productive genius
    of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes. They did not
    starve the people to pay for America's industrialization. They gave the people better jobs, higher wages and
    cheaper goods with every new machine they invented, with every scientific discovery or technological advance --
    and thus the whole country was moving forward and profiting, not suffering, every step of the way."
    --Ayn Rand
  14. long time no see :)
    Devshed Novice (500 - 999 posts)

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    I think I'll download the internet...

    Comments on this post

    • SimonGreenhill agrees : Insert disk in drive A:\ (!?!?)
    • medianox agrees : gotta love broadband.
    • aitken325i agrees : Nice !
    • busmaster agrees : lol
    AKA Marty Jones (todayeffect - writerlance.com)
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    Devshed Supreme Being (6500+ posts)

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    Ha ha ha ha haha!
    ~~ Peter ~~ :: ( Who am I? ) :: ( Peter's Musings: Uploading myself, bit by bit... ) :: ( Electronic Frontier Foundation ) :: ( I'm a GNU/Linux addict and Free Software Advocate. ) :: ( How to Ask Questions the Smart Way ) :: ( The Fedora Project, sponsored by Red Hat ) :: ( GNOME: The Free Software Desktop Project ) :: ( GnuPG Public Key ) :: ( About me on the WIki )

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