Discuss lightbulb joke in the Dev Shed Lounge forum on Dev Shed. lightbulb joke Dev Shed Lounge forum discussing anything that doesn't fit into the other forums. This is a place to relax, talk, and even have some friendly debate. Walk softly and carry a big wiffle bat.
The ASP Free website provides in-depth information on the latest developer tools available from Microsoft. Our cadre of writers, highly experienced industry experts, reveals the best ways to use established technologies as well as new and emerging technologies. Our coverage of Microsoft's development and administration technologies is among the most respected in the IT industry today.
ASP Free and Iron Speed Designer are giving away $5,500+ in FREE licenses. Iron Speed's RAD CASE toolset can save up to 80% of your coding time. One free license per week, one perpetual license per month! Download and Activate to enter!
Intel® Graphics Performance Analyzers is a powerful tool suite for analyzing and optimizing your games, media, and graphics-intensive applications. Used by some of the best developers on the planet, Intel GPA lets you maximize your app’s performance.
Posts: 1,044
Time spent in forums: 6 Days 8 h 4 m 25 sec
Reputation Power: 49
lightbulb joke
Even though most programmers contend that this is a hardware problem, there have nevertheless been speculations over the amount of lightbulb changers that would be required coming from a background in a certain programming language, and how they would go about it.
APL Q: How many APL programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Thirteen. One to change the bulb and twelve to figure out how the new bulb works in the first place.
AppleScript Q: How many AppleScript programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. AppleScript is too high-level for such low-level functions such as changing lightbulbs. Perhaps you should write an osax.
Assembly language Q: How many assembly language programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he'll have to figure out the laws of physics first, then arrange the molecules in proper order to create a new bulb.
C++ Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. You are thinking procedurally; we simply send the light bulb a change message.
A2: As many as are required to express the different views on programming. Additional lightbulbs may get smashed to accommodate them all.
A3: Three: One to write the LightbulbSocket class, one to write the Lightbulb class, and one to write the LightbulbSocket.Insert(Lightbulb&) member.
COBOL Q: How many COBOL programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. We have plenty of candles here in 1900, so implementation can wait until we find some more quill pens and complete our Y2K bug repairs.
A2: One. He will, however, replace your light switch by a huge lever that takes three men to operate and comes with a sign that says "PULL LEVER BACKWARD GIVING LIGHT PUSH LEVER FORWARD GIVING DARKNESS".
FORTH Q: How many FORTH programmers?
A: One, but s/he does so backwards and in Polish.
FORTRAN Q: How many FORTRAN programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Lightbulbs are for wimps. The FORTRAN programmer puts up some landing lights from an abandoned military airfield. He is surprised when you voice complaints wasn't giving off light the primary function?
Interpreted BASIC Q: How many BASIC programmers to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it will take 1000 hours for the interpreter to complete this complex task, just like it says on the bulb.
Java Q: How many Java programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he'll have to install what he calls a "Lightbulb Virtual Machine" that takes up half the basement. The bulb itself will be twice as big as a normal bulb, but you can control it from anywhere in the house.
Matlab Q: How many Matlab programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One Matlab can do anything. Just specify the problem clearly in an Excel spreadsheet (Matlab can read and extract data from Excel). Next you have two basic choices: the inorganic solution, or the organic solution. If you choose the inorganic option Matlab has excellent programming toolboxes for the development of imaging and servo control software, and B-spline functions for design specification. If you choose the organic solution Matlab supports tools for Bioinformatics, functional magnetic resonance brain imaging and neural network modeling. Once you have completed the design and construction of your device / life form, simply instruct it to change the bulb. However, if you are presently unsure about which option to choose, Matlab has excellent tools for mathematical modeling, symbolic processing and stochastic simulation. If you need further help you may visit the Matlab website where you can browse software developed by users just like you. Moreover, if you experience technical difficulties do not hesitate to contact their helpful support personnel.
Pascal Q: How many Pascal programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he only knows how to make the bulb. You'll have to get a fitting socket somewhere else.
Prolog Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: no.
Smalltalk Q: How many Smalltalk programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three: one to implement the method, one to send the message, and one to restore the corrupted image.
Visual Basic Q: How many Visual Basic programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They don't know how. They have C++ programmers to change their lightbulbs. They make wonderfully decorated light switches, though.
Posts: 14,743
Time spent in forums: 6 Months 1 Week 3 Days 16 h 11 m 51 sec
Reputation Power: 8129
No RPG-II, ADA, Lisp, Perl, PHP?
RPG-II
28: Ten to detect the need for a lightbulb, two to requisition the new bulb, two to complete the order for the bulb, five to process the order request, ten to fulfill and deliver the order, and one to change it.
ADA
None. The bulb is self-replacing.
Lisp
First we must ask a complex series of questions and analyze the situation in order to better quantify this question in the first place. We'll never come up with a definitive answer, but it's the process that counts.
Perl
One, and he'll do it with one single procedure
PHP
One, and the procedure shall be a gleaming model for all others to admire and aspire to
Ask me about my highly decorated light switches ... ;_)
Posts: 10,101
Time spent in forums: 3 Months 3 Weeks 6 h 8 m 34 sec
Reputation Power: 0
Q: How many database admins does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
Edit: how many codergeeks? Two - one to go looking for a non-proprietary lightbulb solution, the other to post about how proprietary lightbulb installations are a bad thing and GNU/Lightbulb is much better, especially if the installation involves jamming a penguin into an outdated socket.
(J/k Peter )
--Simon
Last edited by SimonGreenhill : August 31st, 2005 at 01:12 AM.
Posts: 6,603
Time spent in forums: 1 Month 2 Weeks 4 Days 15 h 25 m 49 sec
Reputation Power: 2305
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonGreenhill
Edit: how many codergeeks? Two - one to go looking for a non-proprietary lightbulb solution, the other to post about how proprietary lightbulb installations are a bad thing and GNU/Lightbulb is much better, especially if the installation involves jamming a penguin into an outdated socket.
Del.icio.us
Digg
Google
Spurl
Blink
Furl
Simpy
Y! MyWeb
Linear Mode
