Programming Languages...

Got this in an email, thought I would spread the joy.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and
shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical
assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are
bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and
saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run
out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If
you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to
shoot yourself anyways because you have no
exception-handling capability.

Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to
concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and
shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you
discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return
HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be
re-tied.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which
holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage
which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the
appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself
in the appendage which holds...

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot.
The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't
permit it to explain it to you.

BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large
systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic
You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the
foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you
won't care.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you.
Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the
ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to
pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring
out how to do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you
fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page
document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot.
Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can,
too.

Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes
in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Revelation
You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the
foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty
little bullet-thingies are for.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you
must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your
foot.

Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

LOL seen it before, but always good for a chuckle

PHP
Other people constantly ask you how they can shoot themselves in the foot, even if they just finished listening to you tell the last person.

Perl
Point the gun in the general direction of a foot. It'll probably know what you meant and get at least a few toes.

Windows
Accidentally shoot yourself in the foot. Recover it from the Recycle Bin, re-attach it, only to discover Windows shot your other foot in the meantime.

Or,

PHP
Recompile PHP with the foot module (cross-platform), and with the handgun module (available on Unix only) or with the BB gun module (available on Windows). Then, pass the bullet to an instance of the foot via HTTP post.

OOPS!!! you forgot to urlencode the bullet. Take out real gun and shoot browser window.

Javascript

document.body.hand.gun("revolver").fire("document.body.foot(\"left\")")
document.println(document.body.foot(\"left\").name + " has been shot!!")
document.gun.reload()

PHP
The default behavior of your pistol changed. Again. It used to be auto re-loading and fully auto with a hair trigger, until the manufacturer realized it was dangerous.

perl
The weapons factory is down, you're going to have to make your own pistol.

(the weapons factory is CPAN, in case the reference is too obtuse)

DarkBasic: (no flame please, i was forced to!)
You look for the gun. The manual says it is in your holster, but it isn´t. After some search you find it. If it is not aimed yet, it is not called "gun" but "pistol". Ok, you try to aim it at your foot. But checking if it acually points there, you find out you can only check the aim of rifles, not pistols or guns. Also you don´t have to aim the gun at the foot, but "gun foot at the aim". After you upgrade your gun to a bigger one("Pro" version) , you think you can do it now? No, the "bullets" are broken now. Calling the manufacturer - they know. You have to wait to shoot your foot till the end of this or next year. You take this as being your fate and aim your empty gun at your foot ... but you see it always points at your head. In the end you take a knife to cut someone else´s fingers instead. The result is: You die because of the lead from several bullets in both your feet before you can check if you hit the fingers and you´ll never find out if it would have worked ...



Man, this was kinda wasted day...