1. A Change of Season
    Devshed Expert (3500 - 3999 posts)

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Next Door
    Rep Power

    From being rich and happy to the very rock bottom suffering

    Hey guys;

    I usually just post annoying php questions but today I've got a real challenge for you.

    2 weeks ago I lost someone very special. I didn't think it's gonna affect me this much.

    I'm going through some REALLY tough times with life.

    Struggling emotionally, mentally and physically!

    Don't wanna get into the details but it's never been this tough in the past 30 something years.

    Extreme anxiety, no quality sleep for weeks, no appetite, and the worse part... hopelessness and completely lost my purpose, goal, and motivation.

    I lost a lot of weight, lost the woman I love and my income kinda stopped.

    Things got so bad that I decided to spend a fortune and go to a rehab center! Not for drugs or alcohol, but for withdrawing from the relationship.

    I am out now. Maybe feel 2% better than day one. But I am very sad and lost.

    I am not used to complaining! I usually go Tony Robbins. Focus on the good, make progress and keep going.

    But I am rock bottom at this stage. I don't have many friends or family either.

    Feel extremely lonely and all the plans I had for Christmas and January with my partner is now canceled.

    Not accepting it's over. Haven't talked for a few weeks.

    If you can give me some different tips that might get me out of this, please do.

    Maybe I should go full power to, meet someone else and rebound this.

    I know I should sit down and re-evaluate my life, make new goals. The problem with that is that I make very bad decisions when this emotional.

    I keep booking tickets and cancelling them.

    Not sure how to get the energy and motivate me for that.


    Thanks for reading. I don't know why I posted here.
    Last edited by English Breakfast Tea; December 4th, 2017 at 10:51 PM.
  2. #2
  3. Code Monkey V. 0.9
    Devshed Regular (2000 - 2499 posts)

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    A Land Down Under
    Rep Power
    Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't lost someone that close to me (yet) but I've seen others that have, and it's never easy to cope with.

    The only thing that I think anyone can say is just hang in there. It's hard. Very hard. Probably the hardest thing that you've ever had to do in your life, but that is the only way out of it. It doesn't get easier, you just learn how to cope with it better.

    One thing to focus on would be this - Would your partner have wanted you to be in this sort of state because of her, of would she want to see you be able to move through it, take some time, go on living and eventually be happy again.

    Not that "be happy again" doesn't mean go out and find another woman. I personally believe that's a bad thing to try and do right now.

    You have made a start, and that's with the rehab. But I wouldn't stop with that. Look for someone that specialises in grief counselling and I'm sure that you'll get more help with this. Remember, help is out there, and you deserve to find it.

    One thing that you should do is book those tickets again - and this time force yourself to go. It doesn't matter where you go to, but get away and do something outside of your normal daily life. See that you can be you again. It might also be good to see what family you have. Family has a tendency to help a lot in cases like this, even if it's jsut so that you don't feel so alone.

    I'm not sure if this will make a difference or not, but I'm hoping that even a little bit will help to give you that little push that you need right now. As I said, it will be hard, but it will get easier to cope with in time. The old saying is "time heals all wounds". It's sort of true. It may not heal them completely, but it does help to manage your reactions a lot better.

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