clueless wanna be web designer..where do i start

I am completely brand new to PHP and it`s language..I have NO Clue where to start...I have web files, a server and some half a@@ instructions to install a site to the server by uploading it to my ftp web space account???? I`m a sales dude...not a webmaster...the original webmaster has to many things going on to bail me out..so he said get with our server host, learn PHP, and hook it up...among other code talk..when he talks it`s like hearing chinese??? what the f#@k did you just say???? Maybe I should be writing this down??? ya think...or maybe I should just try to get with a outside source that could do this for me in a couple of days
I just want to sell some products to people that really need them!!! rfsafe.com I have the server host, the web files, the domain...it`s all there i just need someone to put the pieces together...I feel like Humpty Dumty!!!
If I were to have someone take files from one server to another, hook up a forum...(i think that comes with PHP?) and hook up the latest shopping cart that our webmaster has...how much would that cost??? I can do the basics once it`s in place like the shopping cart products, stir some forum topics up, it might be better if I just have someone do this before i lose the rest of my hair!!!!